Peter Hoyt
Peter Van Wagenen Hoyt, 71, passed away on September 16, 2015 at his home in St. Louis, MO after a courageous battle with stomach cancer. He is survived by his two daughters, Katherine Cusick and Beth Bartlett, his son in law, Blair Bartlett, and four grandchildren, Maggie Cusick, and Braeden, Cole and Will Bartlett.
A memorial service will be held on October 17th at 2pm at the First Unitarian Church in Cincinnati.
I am his brother, John Webbe Hoyt. The sole surviving brother. The last memory holder. I remember the good. I live in shadows. Always have, always will. A gift from my brother Peter.
Pete, we could have been friends, loving brothers. As a child, I wanted to learn from you, be you, sadly … still do. Oh, how you dismissed me. You, all those that knew you, never know the grief of the loss of my brother has affected my life. You threw me away, worse, you crushed me, ground me into the dust where you now reside. When you discovered the power of cruel cold dismissal, not the wave of the royal hand, worse. “You do not exist, begone.” The Ice Prince. Winter to me here in Kansas, those bitter, dry killing wind nights, that’s you. Reminding me of your pain. Oh no, not in death, I bet you did that with Fabulous Style! But in life, we had to march, perform to your design or we were erased. I was five, maybe six. We were watching TV in Madison, NJ in a room you designed and built with Dad. Always with a sketch pad on your lap. When you drew a line that you didn’t like, you rubbed out with that ever present big, pink eraser. Not gently. Ferocity, anger! I learned then, I still feel it now what meant to be rubbed out. It was taught to my son, your son, Nick. Congratulations, the power to dismiss lives on. Are you pleased with this legacy? I know you aren’t. But you can’t change it, nor can I.
I hold close in my heart those rare moments when you let down your shield & permitted me in and experience the gentle man and genius you still are in my mind, heart and memory. Oh, what wonderful things we could have accomplished! Except? Ice Price ruled.
I finally know the date of your death five years after you became ash. Your exclusion of those who wanted to love you ruled supreme. Instead of the designer of great things as we could have been, should have been, you killed the seed of confidence just sprouting in me, permitting the weed of insecurity to take its place. A tragic legacy. However, rescued from Goodwill bins, I have your music. All those CD;s you put together, Dad too, I got them, thank you Kate. Not all those slides that Dad shot, where are those? I’m the only one who can tell the story about those moments and yet, not your surviving daughter or Bill’s sons even recognize my existence. Well done Ice Prince. Dismissed, but still here gathering strength every day constantly missing my big brothers, Pete & Bill.